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Родители годами, как кукол, одевают своих детей и постоянно выбирают за них платья, джинсы и кроссовки. Но имеем ли мы право навязывать им свое мнение? И как по худи определить характер малыша? Позвольте чаду сменить рубашку на футболку или выберете юбку так, чтобы в ней было удобно ползать на коленках! Очень полезные и честные советы детского психолога Екатерины Деминой и удобная подборка вещей от профессиональных стилистов Lamoda, которые изменят ваш взгляд на детскую одежду. Ссылки для удобства родителей прилагаем. Обязательно посмотрите ее вместе с ребенком!


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Как одежда способна повлиять на психику ребенка? Может помочь в его развитие и самовыражении? Или, наоборот, помешать?

В одежде прежде всего важна функциональность: тепло, удобно, она защищает от непогоды, от повреждений кожи. То, как выглядит конкретный элемент костюма, не влияет на психику, что мы и видим в истории. Начиная с античности, в период Средневековья и до наших дней детская одежда сильно менялась, но на развитие детей это не влияло, при условии, что одежда не доставляет телесного дискомфорта. Например, уродующие тело корсеты для маленьких девочек в средневековой Европе или традиция пеленания ножек в Китае. Сковывая тело, блюстители морали пытались контролировать дух.

До подросткового возраста
дети не очень-то замечают стилистические особенности в одежде, им важнее удобство.

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До подросткового возраста дети вообще не очень-то замечают стилистические особенности в одежде, им важнее удобство. Как только ребенок получает возможность сигнализировать родителям о своем состоянии, он уже как-то откликается на то, что на нем надето. «Буду/не буду, хочу/не хочу» малышей в основном связано с тактильным комфортом. Родителям гиперчувствительных детей иногда даже приходится одевать одежду наизнанку, чтобы не раздражали швы; или например, исключить колготки и носить только лосины, потому что в носках нитки. К этому нужно относиться с уважением и пониманием, так как телесный дискомфорт маленькие дети не могут терпеть. Гиперчувствительный малыш не сможет ничем вообще заниматься, если ему чешется в этой ткани, давят эти застежки и т.д. Некоторых детей вообще невозможно одеть, настолько их раздражает одежда, приходится соглашаться на хождение голышом. 

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с характером

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Ох, с такой маленькой оторвой в подростковом возрасте вам не совладать!
Но шаги к примирению и умиротворению можно предпринять уже сейчас. Превратите шопинг на Lamoda в увлекательную игру: предложите дочери выбрать три предмета одежды для своего виртуального аватара, а затем — удивите ее в реальности. Скорость бесплатной доставки у Lamoda феноменальная.
Да, и не забудьте снять счастливую распаковку на видео для Тик-Тока.


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Play Today / Ботинки

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PlayToday / Свитер

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Guess / Сумка

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Tommy Hilfiger / Ветровка

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Mango Kids / Джинсы

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2 990 ₽

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1 899 ₽

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5 299 ₽

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7 990 ₽

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2 199 ₽

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Как быть в таких ситуациях?

Обязательно учитывать отклик ребенка и подбором-перебором вещей пытаться найти то, что вызывает наименьший протест. Это может быть довольно сложный выбор: например, ребенок может соглашаться лишь на одну-единственную футболку и отвергать все остальные.

Кроме высокой чувствительности («капризули»), проблему для родителей представляет низкая способность к адаптации у детей («копуши»). По правилу «как ты делаешь что-то, так ты делаешь всё», эти особенности темперамента будут присутствовать во всех ежедневных рутинах: как ребенок ест, собирается на прогулку, знакомится с новыми людьми, засыпает в незнакомом месте. Изменить темперамент невозможно, поэтому родителям остается только подстраиваться под особенности своего ребенка и планировать свою жизнь с учетом этого.

В каком возрасте можно доверить ребенку выбор одежды?

Практически с самого начала, как только ребенок начинает высказывать свое отношение к предмету. У меня есть чудесное видео, где полуторогодовалая девочка разбирает свой ящик в комоде: вытаскивает по одной вещичке, прикладывает к себе, придирчиво разглядывает, раскладывает на две кучки «нравится – не нравится». Предлагаем ассортимент, приносим определенные вещи из магазина все равно мы, родители, так что выбор все равно будет из имеющегося в наличии. У детей бывают свои пристрастия и критерии выбора: «такую же юбку как у подруги»; или «ни в коем случае не такую как у сестры». Фаворитами могут стать герои любимого мультфильма или комикса, дети подражают тем, кем восхищаются.

История со школьной формой и ее «полезностью», так как во многом она уравнивают детей социально? Это правильно?

История про пользу формы и равенство существует только в фантазиях родителей. Если детям это в голову не загружать, они об этом не думают. Способов продемонстрировать неравенство — миллион. Это может проявляться на уровне ручки, пенала и портфеля. Вы не можете регулировать все. Даже в Советском союзе, где, казалось бы, даже все школьные принадлежности были у всех одинаковые, у одной девочки воротник был покупной, а у другой — связанный бабушкой крючком. Идея равенства может быть только перед законом, а не в том, какая у тебя футболка.

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Так все-таки одежда нужна ребенку как способ самовыражения?

В начальной школе это еще не так явно проявляется, это начинается лет с десяти. Начальная школа — это возраст «человек умелый», когда ребенок осваивает материальный мир с помощью своих умений. Поэтому в этом возрасте очень важны кружки — это способ осваивать мир. И в это время одежда несет чисто утилитарную функцию, она должна быть очень удобная и отвечать поставленной задаче.

У детей бывают свои пристрастия и критерии выбора: «такую же юбку как у подруги»; или «ни в коем случае не такую как у сестры».

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утоНЧЕННАЯ

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Детям-интровертам или малышам с очень тонкой душевной организацией бывает сложно выразить свои желания словами. Но их вкусы и пристрастия бывает легче понять, через вещи. Оставьте дочь наедине с Lamoda, предложив самой выбрать одежду и аксессуары — навигация на сайте настолько простая, что разберется и маленький ребенок! Предоплата за вещи на Lamoda не требуется (ну если вдруг модница перестаралась...)


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Gloria Jeans / Сарафан

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Котофей / Рюкзак

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Adidas Originals / Спортивный костюм

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DeFacto / Плащ

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Hunter / Резиновые сапоги

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899 ₽

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4 999 ₽

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1 699 ₽

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2 920 ₽

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4 999 ₽

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Как совмещать самовыражение чада и тот факт, что родителям хочется привить определенный вкус?

Все начинается с разговора. Узнайте у ребенка, что он хочет выразить с помощью одежды? Какую идею донести? Каким хочет себя показать? И дальше родители смотрят, что можно сделать в представленных рамках. Во-первых, обращайте внимание на функциональную доступность. Ребенку должно быть удобно ее самостоятельно обслуживать. Например, у некоторых маленьких мальчиков плохо развита мелкая моторика — они очень плохо сами застегивают пуговицы на рубашки, они могут тратить на это уйму времени. Поэтому мой совет — переходите на футболки. В противном случае ребенок будет злиться, что, например, всю перемену после физкультуры не может застегнуть рубашку. Ему будет стыдно, он будет в ярости из-за этого. То же самое касается обуви и шнурков. Девочкам, как правило, очень важен комфорт. Например, у одежды не должно быть узких манжет и воротников, колючих деталей (шов, обработанный синтетическими нитками, или декларативные элементы, которые с изнанки пришиты на грубую ткань). Или, наоборот, раздражают вещи, которые сильно задираются. Девочкам сложно с юбками — лучше покупать сарафаны. И они должны быть достаточно кроткими, чтобы не мешать играть и ползать на коленях на перемене.

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Все начинается с разговора. Узнайте у ребенка, что он хочет выразить с помощью одежды? Какую идею донести? Каким хочет себя показать?

Родители часто с помощью одежды детей реализовывают свои фантазии, а не ребенка. Например, хотят показать, что их девочка — отличница. И наряжают ее, как куклу, в лаковые туфли и белые колготки. Такая девочка может стоять всю прогулку рядом с учителем и ни во что не играть, боясь испачкаться. Бывает, родители некоторых детей за испорченную одежду наказывают и даже бьют.

Еще один важный момент, связанный с одеждой и самоидентификацией. Девочка в возрасте четырех лет наряжается в принцессу, так как хочет показать, что она ДЕВОЧКА. А вот начиная с 10 лет, наоборот, отказывается ходить в платьях, так как она не хочет быть девочкой, а хочет быть ЛИЧНОСТЬЮ и ЧЕЛОВЕКОМ.

Следующий этап — когда девочки резко превращаются в девушек и это их очень напрягает. Сейчас перед школой все мои клиенты хватаются за голову, так как их дочери ходят в огромных черных худи, а «ведь у нее такая фигура». Именно поэтому она в них и ходит! Потому что у нее «такая фигура», и любая проходящая мимо особь мужского пола может выразить свое отношение к ней. А девочкам-подросткам это совершенно не нужно. Вот они и выбирают безразмерную одежду, так как чувствуют таким образом себя в безопасности. Внутри при этом может быть crop-top в обтяжку. С девочками важно разговаривать и обязательно вступаться за них в школе перед преподавателями, и отстаивать право своего ребенка ходить в том, в чем он считает нужным.

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НАСТОЯЩИЙ 

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Большинство мальчишек, как и их папы, шопинг переваривают с трудом, — у них всегда есть «дела поважнее». Сохраните миллион нервных клеток всей семье, если соберете гардероб к школе онлайн! Лайфхак — сделать это в «приложении» Lamoda (это магическое слово сегодня действует безотказно на каждого ребенка) как и виртуальная AR-примерочная!


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Marks & Spencer / Джемпер

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Sela / Бейсболка

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Mango Kids / Рубашка

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Smith’s Brand / Плащ

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Timberland / Ботинки

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1 190 ₽

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799 ₽

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1 299 ₽

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6 399 ₽

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11 690 ₽

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Я знаю теорию, что если ребенка рано отлучить от груди и предложить соску, то из него вырастит шопоголик. То есть ребенок учится с младенчества успокаивать себя не общением с мамой, а предметом. Что вы об этом думаете? И как не вырастить шопогилика?

В норме ребенок должен быть на груди до 1,5 лет, а дальше его надо переводить на более психологические способы утешения: разговор, объятья. К шопоголизму можно только приучить. Сам по себе ребенок этого не знает и не освоит никогда. Часто с года или двух ребенка начинают задабривать покупками. Самое банальное: если будешь себя хорошо вести, я тебе куплю игрушку. Знаю много семей, где каждый раз, возвращаясь с работы, родители должны что-то ребенку подарить. Если ничего не приносят — скандал. Но это же родители сами инициируют, ребенок даже не знает о такой возможности. Поэтому к шопоголизму приучают исключительно родители.

Например, молодая мама в тяжёлой депрессии. Она проводит все свои дни, занимаясь онлайн-шопингом. Фактически, ее приучили к этому в детстве. Она сидела одна, а вечером родители приносили красивые тряпочки. Мы приходим здесь даже не к шопоголизму, а к безудержному накоплению шмотья. Каждый раз, хочется спросить родителей перед покупкой: какую задачу вы сейчас решаете? Часто они таким образом закрывают какую-то собственную потребность.


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Одна из обсуждаемых сейчас тем: мальчики одеваются в девочек и наоборот.

Эта тема возникла самое последнее время как ненормальная. На самом деле это было всегда. Это элемент карнавальной культуры и ничего предосудительного в этом нет. Это часть освоения гендера, то есть принятия себе как человека определенного пола. Он лишь примеряет на себя: каково это быть мамой? То же самое касается и девочек. Это игра. Не приписывайте ей тех смыслов, которых там нет.

Как покупать детскую одежду? 

Не хотите, чтобы потом были проблемы — всегда согласовывайте с ребёнком покупку и берите его с собой. Поверьте, если ему не понравится какая-то вещь, которую вы купили, он либо не будет ее носить, либо найдёт способ не испортить, чтобы не носить. Никогда не уговаривайте ребенка, никогда. Уважайте его «нет». Смиритесь с его выбором, подростковом возрасте детей смирения вам потребуется очень много.

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творческая

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Все креативные дети обращают внимание на цвета и детали. Рассматривать мультяшный рисунок на рюкзаке или градиент на худи на Lamoda можно бесконечно. Детализация на сайте покруче, чем в продвинутой мобильной игре. А качество вещей настолько высокое, что никакой «колючий» шов не будет отвлекать юного автора от его очередного творения.

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O'stin / Худи

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Calvin Klein Jeans / Джинсы

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V-baby / Жилет

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Time Jump / Кроссовки

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Gulliver / Рюкзак

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1 599 ₽

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6 990 ₽

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5 999 ₽

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2 500 ₽

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1 899 ₽

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*Скидка распространяется только на товары категории "Детям" при любой сумме заказа. Дополнительные условия промокода на странице lamoda.ru/lp/promo/. С 19 августа по 19 сентября 2021 года включительно.

СПЕЦИАЛЬНЫЙ ПРОЕКТ

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